I am glad you opened up matt, it is healthy and this place is probably a bit easier since you don't have to see the reactions or responses, unless of course they are written back.
anywho- my point was that, I have felt this way before, as a matter of fact I still do all the time...It seems as we get older, though not necessarily any less naive, we instinctually learn a defense mechanism when those who are potentially untrustable are around us. I know when I reflect on certain choices I have made in the past that I always knew the inevitable, I just chose to ignore it. I still do sometimes too, not because I like the pain, but because I feel the person or people who I am setting my regards aside for might have something to teach me while I can still maintain my interest for them without my defenses up. Secretive is good sometimes, but honestly I feel that it is another form of BS. kind of like me fabricating ataraxia... we are all full of it, we even fool ourselves into thinking we are not. Just be true in every moment and the moment will bring what it is mean to. ;)